My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
