I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
