so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
