Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
