true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
