i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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