I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
