Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
