i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
