You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
