WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
