I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
