I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think my vagina is haunted
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
