just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
