She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
