He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
