DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
