Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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