we're chasing vodka with high fives
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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