i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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