We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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