We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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