I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
