So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
