Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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