How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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