I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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