my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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