Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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