Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
