I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
