Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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