I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
