I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
