I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize