I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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