i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
