what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
