I forgot how hot balto sounded
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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