The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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