For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
