"it" just moved
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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