is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish you could order shots online.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
