I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
