Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
