school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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