I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
