I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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