He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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