this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
