Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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