Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
