Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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