He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
this is an emotional support booty call
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
