420 ftw
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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