Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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