if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
