i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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