So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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