Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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