great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
