There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
