Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
