He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
