i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
