shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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