and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
