3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
