Girls should come with a carfax report
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
