I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why do cheetos always look like penises
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
