i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
